Choice, Responsibility and Kindness
These 3 words are ones that I use most with my coaching and healing clients, because when they are used together, they can bring about the most profound changes in our lives.
The first – CHOICE – is one that so many people tell me they DON’T have. The most common phrases I hear are… “I can’t do that…” “I will never forgive them…” “There’s no way that could happen…” “I can’t help feeling that way….” and so on….But actually, through our coaching sessions, people come to understand they have far more choices around their actions, reactions, emotions, thoughts and boundaries than they ever could have believed. It is so liberating for them when the penny drops that there are many ways that they can change their current situation. You DO have choices, many choices, and during coaching we talk through and explore the best choices for you to move forward and feel better.
The second is RESPONSIBILITY – not only is this about people taking responsibility for their own choices as discussed above, but this is also about understanding what you are NOT responsible for. Coming to the understanding that you can not change the behaviour of your children, parents, neighbours, boss and friends is incredibly important, and brings great freedom and relief when you get to stop trying to control them all. Byron Katie has a wonderful saying which is this: “Is this your business, their business or God’s business?” And basically, if it isn’t your business, then you can stop trying to resolve everything for everybody else! Instead, you can simply start focusing on where your own responsibility lies. This isn’t about not caring for or helping others; this is to help you not get frustrated and tied up in knots trying to change those around you.
And lastly – KINDNESS – the most important one of all. When you are looking at and exploring your choices and responsibility, please, please remember to do so with kindness and love. There is no point choosing to take a certain action out of revenge or punishment. It is fruitless to make positive changes from a place of bitterness or hatred. It is so difficult to forgive (ourselves and others) when we do so from judgement and fear. So please find as much Kindness as possible in every single day – let it seep into your bones, and envelop every word – and soon you will experience welcome changes both within you and around you.
With love, Hannah xx